I always feel sad on Boxing Day..
Unlike my husband (well historically, anyway), l am a huge Christmas fan.
I used to get made fun of for it, “you don’t even have kids, its just sad you doing all this.”
Whatever. I remained steadfastly extra AF when it came to the Yuletide stuff.
And now that l do have kids, and they are still not at the stage where any of it is exciting for them?
Still l am resolute in my need to go large.
Christmas Eve & Day are my two most favourite times of the year.
l absolutely adore every minute of both.
The chaos of their daylight hours, the contrasting calm of the evening that follows.
The hugs, the presents, the food, the movies.
All of it is beyond wonderful, to me.
And then Boxing Day comes. When family go home, and leftovers are demolished.
The tree is starting to wilt, as are my spirits.
Because it is over for a whole year.
This year it was just us, so no one went home, because they never arrived in the first place.
It was a lovely, very different kind of day.
And because it was so different, l thought the Boxing Day Blues wouldn’t arrive.
But they have. I did not manage to dodge them, after all.
In contrast, Clarke always feels way better once Christmas has passed.
So l meet him on the emotional scale, as he comes up, and l descend.
Isn’t is strange how we humans work?
Clarke and l are so rarely in a descent at the same time.
lt all seems to even out, in the end.
One positive l can take from this is that its a great way of practising non- codependency.
I have no urge for him to love Christmas, so that l can give myself permission to love it even more.
Nor has he ever needed me to be jubilant in it all being over, when l am just not wired that way.
Today l will allow myself to feel a bit meh.
I will use the rooms in Clarke & Carries place that l know support and comfort me best:
The bathroom where l will listen to one of Clarke’s playlists and relax.
The kitchen, where l will find comfort and nourishment for my soul.
The laundry room, where l will write all my feelings down, then press the Send button and watch them disappear into the ether.
l hope today is good to you,