It's Not you, it's...

Have you ever had a job you felt no good at?


So much so, that it impacted every waking moment of your life?


Me for instance, my mental health was never worse than when l was a teacher.


Maybe l should not say that, but it is the truth.


Every day l would wake up and have a panic attack.


Nightly l would cry about having to go to work the next day.


Yet never did it occur to me not to go.


And it should have, because l became really poorly in the end.


My weight dropped to just over six stone, because l was too stressed to eat, (and l am 5’9” so that's not ideal.)


l would stay hidden in my bedroom when l was not at work, sometimes marking books and writing reports but, yeah like I said, mainly hiding


I would have to work through most of the holidays, yet l would still dread each day that went by, as it signalled the new term, or half term, growing ever closer.


Teaching was not the right vocation for me. But that's not the main reason I felt the emotions I describe above.


We can be in the right career, in any industry at all but still not realise it, because our work environment is so stressful, we feel incapable of carrying out our role.


Looking back, two things were happening:


1) I had undiagnosed and therefore untreated PTSD


2) I had no support or supervision, so no one was even aware I was struggling.


Luckily I left my final teaching job after a year, and moved into T.V. Presenting.


Within weeks of looking for my first job, I got one at a channel that I absolutely loved. Genuinely I adored everything about my job.


But I never managed to shake those feelings off that I'd had every day in my teaching roles.


And, gradually, all the old symptoms would sneak back in.


Waking up before a shift at my channel and having a panic attack.


Dreading going in to work.


All the things I felt before were back, and eventually I got so overwhelmed with the panic that I couldn't function.


I felt so bad in the end, that I left my perfect job, because I really felt I was not good at it.


Despite them repeatedly asking me not to go.


And I regretted leaving there every day for years and years.


Until I accidentally resolved my entire dysfunctional pattern with work, in one therapy session.


The thing is, if you are feeling overwhelmed in your job, we can't identify for you whether it is:



1) Because you would rather be doing a completely different job entirely.


2) You have unresolved trauma that needs to be dealt within order to thrive in any work environment.


3) You are great at your job, but your employer is not providing you with an adequately supportive or stress-free work structure, which is causing you to blame yourself.


4) You have developed an unhelpful/dysfunctional pattern where work in concerned, and need assistance to identify and change it.


In my case I was doing ALL FOUR in my teaching job, and two in my dream job...how exhausting is that?!


And let me be honest here; if my therapist had told me that she wanted to concentrate on my dysfunctional attitude to work, I would have most likely told her to do one...but I am so glad she brought it in under the guise of something else because it still stands out as one of the most life-changing therapy sessions I have had, ever.


If you have an Employee Assistance Program, why not call them and ask for some therapy sessions, before you jump ship and find a new place to work.


Don't be like me and just take all your old behaviours to your new company.


Not when it can all be resolved so very easily.


And not when the solution begins with us just showing ourselves a little kindness and understanding.