Judge a man by his questions...

A wise man once said, allegedly, according to other qualified wise people in my life.

The most common question I get asked by Carrie is:

“Where’s my phone?”


2 or 3 times an hour.

It’s gotten to the point where I just smile and shrug my shoulders.

It wasn’t always like this.

At first I would eagerly search the home, retracing her steps until we had found the iPhone pimpernel.

Every time

Then I got frustrated at the frequency of this pursuit.

Then I found it funny how someone could misplace something SO regularly.

And then?

Well, then it just became the norm.

Carrie misplaces her phone, Clarke is apathetic, he smiles and shrugs his shoulders.

There are 2 things that have struck me in the evolution of this cycle:

Firstly, a life without pockets is no life at all.

I know exactly what I’m getting Mrs C for Christmas.

Secondly, Carrie’s urgency in this situation has never wavered, this is an emergency, and her question is exactly the same as it has always been, yet my response has shifted dramatically.

Why is that?

4 years of repetition has become monotonous and almost robotic.

“Where’s my phone?” > frantic search > phone found within a couple of minutes OR I call Carrie from my phone, and we find the elusive little beggar.

So much so that I barely acknowledge the question anymore.

It got me thinking, do I do that with other questions?

The most frequent question "of consequence" in our day is:

“What number are you?”

We’ve explained our number system and how it’s an easy, non intrusive way to check in with each other.

Have I become apathetic to that too?

I have written in the responses how 7 is a “safe” number, a stock response when I can’t really be bothered to engage my brain.

Because I know this, I always make myself consciously reflect and assess whether it’s my truth, if I ever say it.

So, I don’t need to judge this question. It never changes and it’s importance never wanes

What I need to be aware of is my response.

Has it become robotic and apathetic like my phone search?

Or am I truly engaging in a process that keeps me informed about where I am at, physically and emotionally, in these precarious times?

I am well because this stuff works

I am here because we practice this stuff, every day, and it works

I will remain here and well because my health is not something that I will allow myself to get complacent about

What about you?

With the important questions that are raised throughout your day, have you taken the time to assess your responses?

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We talk about authenticity ALL THE TIME in oir talks. Because its so important. Being honest and true to ourselves saves lives. We can tell when we aren’t being ourselves, even when we don’t know who

(PS please tell us you are old enough to remember Color Me Badd, or we surely cannot be friends!) This is a couples-centric post. They aren’t always like this. How could they be? Carrie was single for