So, after my (Clarke's) declaration of lethargy and misgivings yesterday, are you wondering what became of my day?
Oh, well I'm going to tell you anyway...
The moment that I clicked Publish on that blog post I immediately felt lighter. It continues to surprise me, even though we are well rehearsed in this, that when I speak my truth I get a visceral reaction, a lift in my feeling and my mood. If you haven't tried this then I urge you to go into the Lounge in our place and use the Primary Tool on that page. Get your thoughts out of your head, down on 'paper' and fire them off into the ether. It's liberating.
That's not to say that I immediately went and ran a marathon, but I was at ease with my sub-optimal feelings for the day and gave myself permission to 'do less'.
I had a therapy session at 3pm
I love my therapy sessions
I did NOT want to do this one today
And that's okay. When we started the session I told my therapist that I really wasn't 'feeling it' today. He acknowledged it and I immediately felt at ease. No fraudulence, no mask with plastic smile, just authentically me.
As is always the case, we went on to have an incredible session. It was only possible because I was honest to begin with and ensured that there wasn't any barriers between Nick and I. Where honesty resides, growth abounds.
After the session I started to do one or two jobs around the house and, even though I didn't 'feel' great, I was as capable as ever. In fact, I totally rearranged three rooms in the house. I built a bed for a tiny human, swapped beds and sofas and cupboards, so that our toddler could have a room of her own.
When Carrie and I got into bed that night (in a different room) and watched our little ginger princess on the baby monitor, all snuggled in her new bed (in a different room), I realised that I had done more productive work that day than I had for a week.
Did I grind through the day with gritted teeth, faking smiles and laughs to all who I saw, then collapse into bed praying for tomorrow to be different?
I settled into bed after a kiss from my wife, knowing that I can feel low, be loved and be productive, all at the same time
As long as I'm honest about it to those who matter x